luckyeclipse

Yup.  That about sums it up.
I really dislike prom.
I dislike prom pictures even more.
Annnd... I'm not looking forward to tomorrow now. 

On the bright side, I got those pictures from Sarah finally. 

That's all.

I'm really going to miss my teachers next year.  Seriously.  I thought about it on the car going to school on Friday, and I realized that I have really good memories for all of them:
Band - Mr. E. made fun of Megan and I for walking around ("Those girls just walk around"), but then we walk around and always run into him.
French - My teacher telling my mom some really good stuff about me.  How I'm the only person she's ever taught that'd got hundreds on these tests. 
Yearbook - Mrs. V sent me off to take yearbook photos with two raquets, a tennis ball, a camera, and the name "Cody B."  I then went and jumped fences with two senior tennis players, took their pictures, and got frostbite before I headed back.
History - Mr. B is amazing.  I love that guy.  What with him calling my 100%s "slacking" and telling me how many days we have left of school, even though he knows it bothers me.  Oh, and counting how many times he sees me each day.
Algebra - Mr. M was... well.  Mr. M.  Lots of people don't like him, and I didn't either until 2nd semester.  He told me I needed to put more space in between my warm-ups, and I told him that there wouldn't need to be more space if he just wrote my grade in the margins.  The next day?  Yeah.  Grade was in the margin.
Chemistry - What's not to like about Mrs. V?  Seriously.  Me and her bond over Harry's stupidity all the time.  I love that guy.  Harry, I mean.  We just have fun in her class everyday.
English - Mrs. H loves me, I swear.  She told me that her son read my paper and was all like, "That was written by one of your students?  Wow." which made me feel good.  Also, I got her to give in on the whole outline-only-and-no-writing-it-all-out thing.
P.E. - Mr. H is just pretty cool.  He's tall.  I like tall people.  I told him that I have a tendency to get hit in the head with the balls after he told me we were going to start playing softball.  So we went out and started playing, and I was all like, "Okay... I'm going to be right HERE, picking up a ball..." and he said, "Don't worry, I'll protect you." Without any sarcasm, either.  I thought it was sweet.

So Friday was pretty much same 'ole same 'ole.  Nothing new.  I got to P.E. though, and Mr. H said, "So I heard that you got hit in the head yesterday when I was gone."
I told him that, no, I hadn't.  Damien ran into me, reddening my arm and elbowing my chest.  I got hit in the leg.  But I didn't get hit in the head.
Once I'd changed, I asked him what she said.
"Oh.  She said that the tall, brown-headed girl got hit in the head with the ball when you were playing."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
And Katilynn said that she remembered me getting hit.  I didn't.
Mr. H said, "Great.  She got hit in the head AND she has a concussion."
I'm not really sure if I did or not.  I mean, I remember thinking that that was another ball I'd gotten hit with (the only one I haven't gotten hit with is the ping pong ball), but I don't remember actually getting hit.  Maybe it's supressed.
Then we went out and ran the mile.  Sadi and I dropped our time 40 seconds, but it's still reallllllllly bad.  I'm ashamed.  One more mile, and then I'm never running again in my life.

One year ago today, my grandma died.  Today sucks.  It's also my cousin's birthday.  He's 21 now.  Apparently, he's not going out drinking.  He's going to the bars, but only to have "water".  I'm not sure I believe that.
I had my piano recital today.  There was a cute guy, Max, there.  When he first arrived, he wanted to warm up to play.  So I followed, and Mrs. Roper directed me to another piano.  I played in the place where my mom and Cliff got married.  I heard him play, and all I've got to say is damn, that boy's got skills.
Turns out, I was right before him for our recital.  Which is great, because it goes by skill level.  And I was second to last (Becca and Breanne were put after us both because they arrived late.  I'm sure they're above me, though, which is fine), which mean that I sat by him the whole time.
He kept mirroring my hand movements.  This girl played a song that I remember playing (over playing, in fact) and told him that I really liked that song.  He nodded.  The next player did another song I liked, and I commented again.  He nodded again and smiled a bit.  He really was kind of uptight.
So then it was almost my turn.  The person before me played their last note.  I shuddered and he laughed.  I'm not sure if that's good or not; I purposefully upped the drama to see if I could get him to laugh.  I'm glad I succeeded. 
Anyway, I played.  I played pretty well, but Max played better.  He was amazing, no joke.  My mom said that my aunt plays the same music, and he sounded exactly like her.  That part's a compliment.  Becca and Breanne played, too.  Becca did fantastic, but Breanne stumbled a bit.
I kind of wanted to hang around, see if I could get him to talk some more, but we had to go.  So we had a piece of cake and grabbed our plant and left.  (That's what you get at piano recitals -- plants)

We headed to our normal Saturday place.  Danny and Steve were there, which automatically made me happy.  I thought my aunt would be there; it was, after all, one year since Grammy died. 
But she wasn't.  Which was good, because not inviting her to a piano recital is like a huge sin in her book.
So I enjoyed talking to Danny.  He told us that he thought we had Kentucky Blue Grass.  I guess some of his college education payed off.
I was wearing my grandma's ring, so I put it on my right hand and didn't use it.  My aunt, my mom, and I are the only one that have gotten a ring so far, so I didn't want Steve or Danny to notice and then tell the other granddaughters.  That'd be bad.  Mom says that Papa gave me one because I was always there, and that he'll give the others their pick when he's ready.  In the mean time, I feel guilty every time I wear it.  It's really simple.  I didn't choose one with diamonds all over or anything, just a simple pink stone in a silver ring.  I wear it to all my concerts and recitals now.
We were almost done when she came bursting through the door.  No joke.  She burts.
Dramatically, she went and sat next to Papa and Steve.  Right away, she started in on my mom, asking why we hadn't told her Cliff had back surgery.
"You have a cell phone, don't you?  And Addie, you could've used your cell phone for once."
That was low. 
After we had settled her down, she started in on Danny.
"It costs a lot to raise a kid you know.  100s of thousands of dollars.  And then, after they finish high school, with their new motorcycles and new trucks." That was a jab, there. 
Danny took it well.  He talked to her, and then, after a while, they both left.  I managed to get a hug before he left.  He's the best hug giver, ever.  I mean it.  He's really comfy.
When she first came in, I'd taken off my ring entirely, placing it in my pocket.  If she saw me wearing it she'd ask why Kelsey hadn't gotten one; she was, after all, the OLDEST granddaughter.

It went on like that for awhile.  Just jabs at everyone.  Then I got up, worried she'd ask why I was wearing khakis and looking nice.  My mom told me to take the keys and head to the car before she noticed.
I took the keys and ran for it.  Halfway to the car, the door slammed open, and Deb's yelling, "ADDIE!"
Slowly I turned around, my heart racing, like in some horror movie.  I was scared.  I'm not really sure why.  She just does that to me.  I was scared she'd ask about my clothes.  Scared she'd find out about the recital.  I'm just too easily guilted into things.

"You didn't say hi when I came in.  You didn't give me a hug when you left."
 

"I said hi!"  I had said hi.  I gave her a hug now.
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, actually.  I did."
"What's the matter with you lately?"
"Nothing.  I'm just cold."  Lie.
"You're not cold."
"Yes, I am." I showed her my arms.  "I'm cold." Lie.
"You're not cold in WINTER.  You're not going to be cold now."
"Well, I am." Lie.
She started to walk away.  "There's something weird going on with your family lately."
You mean like the fact we're all scared you'll start biting our heads off at any second?  "Good luck for your concert tomorrow!"
"You could come if you wanted." she mumbled.
"What time?"
She didn't answer.  She just drove away.

My mom came out, and we left.  My mom said some words, and then our cell phone rang.  Guess who?  She yelled at my mom all the way home.
I know it's been a year since Grammy died.  I understand.  I'm hurting right now too.  But that gives Deb NO right to yell at us for not telling her Cliff was having surgery.  We didn't tell anyone except Papa; it was just an in-out deal.  And I miss Grammy too.  I think about her every time I get on a stage, every night before I go to bed. 

There once was a girl with a curl, right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good she was very, very good.
But when she was bad she was horrid.

...with a song.  In one of my piano books, I'm playing Unchained Melody (you probably already know this, but oh well).  In that book, there's also a song that I played briefly before giving up on for the moment -- Schindler's List.  Today in history, Burchess asked what movie was the best movie on the Holocaust; turns out it's Schindler's List.
So I got home today, sat down and played a new song, A Lullaby, which is also very pretty and very lullaby-y.  But then I wanted to hear Schindler's List.  I looked it up, and eventually found... Itzhak Perlman playing the violin with video clips from the movie.  I seriously almost cried, it's so powerful.  I actually did let out a couple tears the second time I listened to it, because the first time I was looking more at the clips than listening to the music.  At 2'18, it's like... it's like the violin is crying.  It's super duper amazing.  I just can't get enough of it! 

My day was... okay.  I didn't get the shirt I wanted... ;) But I did sign up for Drivers Ed with Hannah... and Luke, but he's doing a different session than I am.  So it doesn't really matter.
PE was especially brutal today.  There were four stations: sit-ups, push-ups, jump rope, and hand weights.  You get 30 seconds on a station, then you do stairs, then 30 seconds of the next station... 8 times.  It was torture!  I hate stairs with a passion.  If we have to do stairs again tomorrow - because it IS Thursday - then I'm going to protest or something.  Because that's just plain ridiculous.

Here's the link to the video.  If it doesn't work, just c/p it into the url thingy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLK5OWU2YGw

So my mom and Cliff went out tonight, and I was stuck home.  I watched Good Luck Chuck, but they got home in the last 25 minutes so I didn't get to finish it.  (I didn't want them to see it, lol... it was kind of a bad show)  So that sucks.
Also, I practiced for my piano recital.  I'm definitely playing Unchained Melody (the theme from Ghost), but I don't know about the other song.  Last year I missed the recital because my grandma died, and I was going to play Think of Me from Phantom of the Opera.  I still want to play that song, and I think it'd be a good tribute to her because she's heard me play it and everything.
...but I've worked really, really hard on the actual Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera.  I kind of want to play it, but I know it could be better.  I have the left hand down, but sometimes I leave out the unimportant parts in the right hand because it's really hard. 
I've been trying to work on it, but Cliff's been home sleeping or watching the tv for two weeks and I only have like 15 minutes everyday to practice.  
I think I'm going to tell my teacher that I want to play Unchained Melody and Think of Me.  I'll wait for Music of the Night for Christmas or next year's Spring recital.  That way it'll be good, not just adequate.

Megan still hasn't said anything.  It's kind of sad, really.  Because if it were reversed, and she made it and not me, then I would be pissed too.  But I would also have told her congrats on making it, even if I didn't.  ...so.  The results kind of surprised me.  Not only did people I thought had a very strong chance of making it not make it, but people I thought never would did. 
It's all so dramatic, you know?  I think it's just stupid that we have to switch the way our bands are now.  I think it should stay the way it's always been.  Because, for the seniors that have been in the higher band since sophomore year, it's not fair.  It's not fair to take something that the seniors thought was automatically available to them.  It's just stupid.  And it puts us all kind of against each other, I think. 
Jazz band tryouts or whatever are kind of the same way, but it's for a lesser scale.
Overall, I think this varsity/jv band thing is ridiculous.  I don't think that you can take one very, very difficult piece and judge everyone's ability on it.  Because, like Tyler pointed out, one thing can throw you off for the whole audition.  And sixteenth-note triplets?  I mean, come on!  That's insanely difficult, especially when every other note is flat or sharp!  You can't judge how well a person plays on something that we've never really even had to play before.

I suppose I'm not very original, but this is my first post and, quite frankly, I don't know what to say.  Sarah told me I should get a livejournal account and I did, but now that I have it I'm not really sure what to put on here.
If someone is going to be reading my thoughts - or even if I'm just recording them - I want some background on me first:
- I'm really impatient; if I don't get something right away, I probably won't like it in the long run.
- I'm kinda OCD.  I don't know if I'm REALLY OCD, but I do get headaches if things aren't the same all the time.
- People that complain a lot really tick me off.
- I think that, overall, my life so far has been way too full of death.  My dad dying - and, because of my dad dying, my dad's whole family never talking to me or my mom again after his funeral - a little before my third birthday has always made me really sad.  But what makes me sadder is that no one understands and everyone thinks it's not that big of a deal.  Father-daughter dances, or the dad playing with his grandchildren, or the father-of-the-bride giving his daughter away always reminds me that I'm NEVER, EVER going to have any of that.  And, although it sounds horrible and hypocritical, I think my life has been pretty tough compared to most of my friends'.  Most people don't know that and most people never will.  I try really hard to make everything seem really great, but really there's a lot of things that make me sad that I can't fix even if I wish I could.
- I'm stubborn.
- Don't complain about your parents.  Don't tell them you hate them and then leave.  It hurts them.  And they can be taken away in a second.
- I don't like the color pink even though it's the color of the carpet in my room.
- I don't like yellow either.
- ...but I do like ducks.  They're neat.  :)
- Oh.  And I have a thing for seniors.  Call me crazy.  Sarah brought up a really good point last night about me only liking them because they'd only be there a year and it's kind of a form of torture.  It is, really.  Last year, my freshman year, I had seven seniors.  This year I only have one.  This year, graduation's going to be a lot tougher because I'm "head over heels".
- Head Over Heels is a good movie.  Watch it. 

I think that's a pretty good list to start out with.  It covers the basics, but leaves a lot to be - jeez.  What's that word the my English teacher always uses? interpreted? implied? 'i' something - (fill in the 'i' word here).